Casting stones...

A few days ago I was rebuked by a family member for "casting stones" at the church's sins. I won't get into the whole conversation, though it was short, but basically I was told that, according to this person's perspective, I was delighting in pointing out the mistakes and sins of christian organizations. They took issue with my posting about sexual sins within the church and posting about "alternative lifestyles" (being gay is not an alternative lifestyle, my Amish...now they lead an alternative lifestyle, but my thoughts about that warrant a post all on it's own to be fully understood as not un-Christian). They said that I should not cast the first stone, that my posting about these things hurt them since they are still in the ministry, as are my parents, that my posting these things stings, that they are sorry I was hurt and Doc didn't get his due, that I may be hurting more than helping, that I may be leading people away from God and the church by posting such things, that we are all sinners, no place is perfect...you get the gist.

My family member doesn't get it, and most likely never will.

I don't delight in people's pain, I do however, find delight in wicked people being made to answer for their sins. As people of faith or even those who are not, shouldn't we all? Why is posting articles about such things made out to be more wicked than what the perpetrator has done to His people?

I put this out to you, it is a fact that wickedness thrives in ignorance and in the protections that churches often bring to them. Men and women in the church or any organization who abuse children, women, men, entire families, will continue to get away with it if we remain silent. Covering it up or failing to be transparent is a sin. Ignoring the cries of the weak, the downtrodden, the oppressed, or the abused is wicked. 

If the church is to adequately represent Jesus, we must do so with transparency. We must do so while following the laws of the land that are put in place to protect the innocent. We must separate ourselves from those who would tear down ministries from within by hurting their own members. The church is no place to shelter criminal behaviour. The church should be a safe haven, a place of worship, a place of growth, and a place of religious liberties.

This process of separation from the abuser hurts, no doubt. This is especially true when you trusted them, when they were your pastor, your deacon, your mother, your father, your spouse, etc. It can make you question your beliefs. It can make you wonder where God was when the abuse was happening. 

The church's first reaction to the revelations of an abuser in their midst will often be the one of shock. Then comes Anger. Then comes denial and minimizing. Then comes the proclivity to want to make it all go away by simply "forgiving" and trying to cover it up. Then comes to desire to restore the offender no matter what the cost to the victim(s).

I say this, that being shocked and angry are good, denial and minimizing is not. Using forgiveness as a tool to manipulate the victim into submitting is abominable. Cover ups are sinful. Restoring the victim, not the offender, should be the goal.

I'm not saying that the offender cannot be repentant, and can't have restoration between themselves and God. Our Jesus is much bigger than that. But that person should NEVER, EVER, be given a place of power within the church congregation again. And the people that that person abused should not be made to have any contact with the abuser or told how to feel about what happened to them.

I've seen unwed mothers, drug abusers, alcoholics, adulterers, fornicators, homosexuals, and church "dissenters" cast out of the church without much thought. I'm talking outright shunning here, complete with a church vote to rescind their membership and a sermon about not associating with such sinners ever again. It's worthy to note that the person being tried and cast out is not present.

I've seen child molesters allowed to continue working with children because they "repented" or denied the wrong-doing. Some churches will sometimes send these abusers off to some reformation camp or another kind of Christian counseling, but even that is uncommon. Churches may also send these abusers off to other churches without informing the new church what kind of person they are hiring. These people then go on to escalate their abuses against children for many years before they are caught, if they are ever caught, and perhaps sent to jail.

I've seen Pastors who stole money from their churches made to leave their church and then given glowing recommendations so that they could lead another church. Those Pastors then continued that pattern and stole from the next church, and the next, and the next. Some eventually see prison time, others do not.

I've seen Pastors counsel women in abusive relationships to just stay with the abuser and to pray more, submit more, and all will be better since marriage is God's will. These women will continue to be beaten, threatened, raped and so forth until they either die (literally or figuratively) or they will eventually get out, press charges (hopefully) and be so distrustful of the church, men, and God that they leave it behind them forever and have difficulty ever forming close relationships again.

I've seen Pastors counsel child abuse victims that their parents are right to beat them. After all, spanking=God's will. They do this somehow not understanding that beating a child is never God's will. As with the abused women, the results are usually the same.

I've seen Pastors fire or force into retirement excellent, experienced, older workers in their churches and schools and hire newer, younger workers simply because they wanted to hire their friends, not have to pay retirement benefits, or get simply to get rid of the old. I have seen or heard about them making the forced retiree publicly stand up in front of the congregation and lie about why they are retiring to protect the Pastor and the ministry (for the greater good y'all!) and to ensure that they can have a severance package. The new blood comes in and the congregation is none the wiser that their Pastoral administration has just abused a faithful member that they know and love. This practice effects entire families in the long run, breeding contempt and distrust. Quite often it makes the worker feel ineffective and worthless.

I've seen Pastors preach with hellfire and brimstone about adultery, homosexuality, and fornication on a Sunday. Only to have it uncovered later that they were having an affair, were closeted, or were sexually abusing children. I've seen Pastors who have been exposed allowed to continue on in the ministry, sometimes their own but more likely it's in another church.

I do not post about these things to "cast stones" but to shed light. I acknowledge that I have made mistakes in my life, done sinful things, and have had to repent of sins. 

Here's the thing...

It's not about my sins. That's a deflection away from the issue. That's the way that churches and church people try to get survivors and critics to shut up. It's about the church's sins and working to fix things like this. It's about standing up with the abused, holding them tightly to us, praying for them and supporting them, not the abuser! It's about showing grace, and mercy, and working towards restoring injured, battered souls into healthy relationships again. It's about listening, without judgement to those who cry out in pain. It's about weeping for the church that Jesus imagined when we see the bastardization that it has become. It's about being part of the solution.

Being transparent, being kind, being gentle, being loving, showing intolerance for abusers and abuse does not drive people away from the church and God. Keeping on with the status quo that has been rife within the church for decades concerning such things, that's what turns people away. Shame on you church. You are the one who needs to repent and to publicly decry such obscene things! When you don't and act the victim, you look like a bully, you look like you have something to hide. You don't look competent. You don't look good, you look evil and suspect.

Make the changes and accept the criticism church, you aren't being persecuted, you are being held accountable. And if you don't do this, expect to be stoned.