Children at birth

Involving kids during pregnancy makes the process less overwhelming.

I Love having  kids at births! I really do.I have heard that there are some providers in hospital and out that are less than thrilled with their presence at birth and prenatals, but that is a shame. If you want to have your child as part of the experience, I'd encourage you to stand up for your rights to include your family or if not please change providers.

The video below is a homebirth I attended several years ago where there were lots of bystanders to this mama's labor and birth. Her children, her husband, her mother and father, and her sister were all there in the house while she labored. Now, they weren't all in the room with her when she birthed, but they popped in and out periodically. Her sister was a photographer and took the lovely photos that make up the collage in the video. Her family respectfully and quietly inquired how she was doing and asked if anything was needed to be done by them to help? Her children came in and out, and if they were being too boisterous, a family member came and took them downstairs to give their mama space to labor in.

Some moms wouldn't want all of those people around her. I would even say that most moms need lots of privacy, space, low lights or even darkness as they labor to bring forth their baby. This mama needed lots of support, but not necessarily support from others in the same room during her whole labor. 

What I see as working best with parents who involve their children at births is a few things:

An apprentice of mine and a client, during a prenatal.

1- The Parents spend a lot of time prenatally involving their older children in the pregnancy and birth process. A good way to do this is to bring them to prenatal appointments.

2- The Parents show their children books, birth videos, even take them to childbirth ed. classes with them to prepare them for the birth.

3- The Parents answer every question honestly and don't sugar coat the realities of birth.

4- The Parents have another support person at their birth whose sole responsibility is taking care of the children.

5- The Parents allow their child to not attend the birth if the child is asleep, scared, or suddenly not interested, even if they were before.

Now here is why I think those five things are important:

Number one: because having your child come to appointments take some of the unknowns out of pregnancy and birth. They get to know what a doppler is, a fetoscope, tape measure, blood pressure cuff, etc. and what they are used for. They will get to know your midwife or other birth professional and this makes that person someone that they trust instead of someone who just shows up out of the blue and starts poking and prodding at mommy (even if that isn't what is actually happening, it could be perceived this way). This also helps your midwife and birth team get to know your child and their personality.

Number two: because children are sponges, even at toddler ages, they love to learn! What is going on with their Mommy is exciting! They want to know about Mommy's expanding belly and how big the baby is getting inside of her. Nine months to them seems like such a VERY long time! Reading books and watching videos about pregnancy and birth helps to answer their questions and show them the realities of birth.

Number three: because honesty is always the best policy. Using proper terminology of body parts, tell the child what is going to happen during a birth. Tell them about mommy's expanding belly, how her breasts will make milk for the baby, and that the baby will come out of mommy's vagina. You should also tell them that sometimes mommy needs some extra help and she may need to have a surgical delivery. Let them know about bodily fluids, sounds, and smells that they may see during labor and delivery.

Number four: because during labor, the mom needs to focus fully on herself and her new baby. She is doing a fierce work and needs to stay in "laborland" as much as possible. Having a support person there who can get the child a drink, snack, put them to bed or just entertain them is essential to allowing the mom to stay in the moment and not get into "mommy mode".

Number five: because children deserve respect as well. If you child is tired, let them sleep. If they get scared or change their mind, let them relax somewhere else.

Another great reason for involving your child in your pregnancy and birth is because it is the perfect way to educate them on the process. In our modern society, children often go their whole lives not really knowing what is involved in pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum. Take the mystery out of these events and include your children!